EDITORIAL

 The Backstory - Complain. Condemn. Criticize.


"It's a norm for me to go to class with my classmate. But sometimes, she irritates me. I mean, why exactly is she always late? Can't she just be early for once? Now, I'm going to be late for class and it'll be her fault. This is so frustrating." Tomi murmured under her breath. 

Suddenly, she lifted her head and said to Shola, the so-called friend, with a smile that doesn't depict her inner turmoil, "are you ready to go?" Tola said 

"I'm coming. It's not even 8:00 AM. It's just 7:59". Resigning to her fate, Tomi sat back and watch her friend wastes her time.


Fast forward to the end of the day, Tomi started complaining to her roommates about how Shola is always wasting her time. "But I can't tell her that I want to go along. I don't have that courage and she might think I'm being too serious".

 Her roommates advised her to exercise patience and tell Shola her worries. Tomi blurted "she's not even concerned about me. She wants us to go to class together but she'll abandon me afterwards to hang out with her cool friends".

 Unfortunately, Shola was at Tomi's door and heard everything. She burst into the room and hysterically said "Tomi, I can't believe you think this of me. I'll never abandon you. Those people are from the new organization I joined and there's a project we have to do together."

Tomi was pained and started to console her friend. "I'm so sorry. I assumed you don't like me that much." In between tears, Tomi shook her head vigorously "it's not like that! Besides, I'm so sorry about making you go late to class. I have this client's work that has been keeping up lately and I tend to sleep late. You could have told me though. I felt really hurt hearing you complain to your roommates who don't have the solution."

Remorsefully, Tola replied, "yes. I'll always tell you my worries because that's the only way our friendship can progress".


The first principle in How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is "Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain".



  • Criticism

I'm sure you've heard of Constructive and destructive criticism. There's a mistake many people make - and it's that we can't differentiate between these two types of criticism. It's absolutely normal. There are times when you're focused on giving constructive criticism but you unknowingly, shift towards Destructive. 

Funnily, you might not notice. But the person on the receiving end will. A solution? Don't criticize. Rather, correct in the best way possible. 


  • Condemn

Do you condemn people? "God himself, sir, doesn't propose to judge man until the end of his day" ~  Dr. Johnson. So, there's no point in condemning people. If you can't correct it, then don't talk about it. Everything isn't always like it seems. There's always a backstory.


  • Complain

Tomi complained about her issues with Shola to her roommates. If Tola hadn't burst into the room, it wouldn't have solved the problem. It'll only increase the resentment Tomi will feel towards Shola. Thus, don't complain. Ask questions, instead.

The world is a cocoon of different people. You have to connect, and speak your mind without complaining, condemning or criticizing. 

OLALEYE GBEMISOLA ZEENAT, 400L

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